World Suicide Prevention Day
No one really wants to talk about suicide. I know I don't. It's hard to say out loud to another human being that I once felt that was my only option to end the deep grief and rejection I felt. It's hard to admit that I needed help, that I couldn't lift myself out of my despair. I almost can't find the words when I talk about the demonic thoughts that flooded my mind in the days, weeks, and months leading up to that moment. I had some of the best support for someone in that condition, an attentive and loving husband who left his job to help care for me through it, an incredibly caring and empathetic counselor, and a doctor who took the time to get to know me instead of just blindly prescribing something. And yet I still went to that edge, the point of almost no return. Almost, because my beloved husband caught me. He fought for me when I could not, would not, fight for myself anymore. By God's grace and my husband's amazing devotion I'm still here today.
Not everyone has it as good as I did. Many who are battling thoughts of suicide and deep depression aren't even diagnosed. Some people are so afraid and too ashamed to get help. Others may not seek help because they no longer want help. Their thoughts have become so consumed with death, so twisted, that they don't want anything to get in the way of their plan. My husband literally had to wrestle me to the ground across the room to release the death grip I had on those pills that I thought were going to take all my sorrows away. For a moment I didn't want his help. That can be difficult to navigate. At that point, the only reasonable option was for me to be hospitalized so that I could be safe. I didn't want to go. He didn't want to send me. But it was for the best. It was what I needed. How many people need that, but won't do it and don't have someone who will make that call for them?
In doing research for my book, here are some statistics from the CDC and the NIMH to consider:
Suicide is the second leading cause of death for ages 15-24
The suicide death rate for ages 25-44 is almost the same as it is for cancer
Almost 1 in 4 high school girls seriously considers suicide
Suicide rates for men are about 4 times that of women, because they typically choose a more lethal method
Women make more attempts
While the stats among younger people are alarming, the rate is highest among men who are 75 years old and older.
We like to think that suicide is something that doesn't happen to Christians or people in church, but it does. In Sunday school a few weeks ago we had a lesson on Job. The teacher talked about suicide and credited Job for not choosing that path. He then asked everyone to raise their hand that knew someone who took their life. Almost every hand went up, including my own. Even if Christians were immune to suicide, or if you think that someone who commits suicide could not possibly be a Christian, you cannot argue that suicide doesn't affect Christians. And I think that we are tasked by our Lord to bring hope to those who have lost it.
I believe that many people want to do something when they see someone in pain, but don't know what to do. They are afraid that by engaging they might make things worse. I think that it is scarier to think about what might happen if you don't engage. To be fair it can be confusing and those of us who need the help often don't make it easy. I also think that those who want to help are so eager to get the one suffering to thrive again. It can be hard to see someone who was once lively and energetic with bright prospects appear to withdraw completely and throw away all their opportunities. But in the deepest, most difficult times you can only take things one step at a time. There is a time to thrive and there is a time to just survive. So when you see someone who is struggling with depression and despair, don't think about how to get them back to how they were before. Think about how you can help them get through today, and then tomorrow how can you help them get through tomorrow. Little by little, one day at a time. Like manna from heaven, just enough for the day and eventually they will make their way through the desert into the promised land where they can thrive yet again.
You cannot go wrong with giving and showing love to those in despair. And sometimes that means simply being present. Often saying nothing is better than saying the wrong thing, just ask Job. But be there, hold their hand, offer a hug, sit quietly, smile genuinely, and be patient.
Thank you for reading and being willing to enter into someone's struggles.
If you are in crisis, call the toll-free National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. The service is available to anyone. All calls are confidential. http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org